20 Responses to “mirror Clock”

1. 

   Powers
   

   August 13th, 2010 at 5:39 pm

   I tend to remember my dreams pretty well, and I’ve had tons of gaming dreams over the year. Doing a gaming marathon right before sleeping definitely helps with that.

2. 

   Fiona
   

   August 25th, 2010 at 11:15 am

   Alright lets see what I can help to suggest. First it seems like it is a really clever idea, something different if I've read correctly. But it is confusing, I had to re-read and wonder how many other people this girl is.
   My first suggestion would be to ditch the first person. Because it seems to me (and I could be mislead) that these girls all share one body, and when not being used they are shoved away inside the mind. See the problem with this is you aren't being consistent with the character, just narrating whoever is dominant presently. I would either pick one of these girls or just go omniscient on all them in third person. I think it would make it flow better.
   Second do not be afraid to be obvious blunt, if you want it across don't be mysterious. Tell the reader what you want them to know for the most part. Of coarse for a good story not everything is going to be revealed but don't be afraid to point some things out. (Most everything you take time to write in a story should have a purpose later.)

   At one point you write: "Because Mom and Dad warned you that you are not to go out in your natural appearance, that its dangerous." I would elaborate on that. A memory so reason why this is dangerous. Because I have no clue from reading that. Telling why it is dangerous might give the reader some clue as to what is going on.

   Again I'm trying to keep in mind this is only an excerpt, and for that I can't give you a truly clear idea at this. If I understood more about these girls, perhaps I could help more. I hope I helped (you did say you wanted harsh criticism).

3. 

   19 yr old *T.S.L* <3
   

   September 3rd, 2010 at 11:40 am

   Rushed. Poor grammar and formatting. Do you know where your story's going? Probably not, as you asked us for ideas.

   Outline your story. Figure out the plot, where it's going, and the point of the whole thing. Then go learn how to write English properly. Grammar and spelling are atrocious.

4. 

   SingHouse
   

   September 3rd, 2010 at 10:29 pm

   it does move straight up and down to the person in the ship. It only moves sideways to the stationary person obersving the clock by.

5. 

   0000000NoName0000000
   

   September 6th, 2010 at 9:32 pm

   which space ship had the hot space chicks on it? i want to be on that ship!

6. 

   theMediaDude
   

   September 10th, 2010 at 1:29 am

   X Factor sensation Cher Lloyd clocks up 1million YouTube views

7. 

   Reba
   

   September 15th, 2010 at 4:39 am

   It's defiantly interesting and has some serious possibilities. I found it a tad slow, though. I didn't really see that much difference between the two girls other than at the outside level. The style you use to write them both is pretty much the same. Maybe you could try to give them each a distinctive flow in their POV.

   Answer mine?

   http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100516110643AAURTJl

8. 

   spazcat101
   

   September 16th, 2010 at 1:39 am

   My local Irish pub has a mirror clock. The numbers and the hands go the wrong way. It’s a REALLY cruel thing to have in a bar!(Reply to this)

9. 

   pharaoh_102
   

   September 25th, 2010 at 5:59 am

   I don't turn the volume down when I'm looking for an address so I don't know…

   lol… liked the nose and feet part… and the progress congress… lol…

10. 

    HorseOrTheMan?
    

    September 25th, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    I like the idea you've got going here. Having the other person in their head, although I'm not sure where exactly it's going.
    Just a few little things;
    You've switched from present to past tense halfway through.
    'I quickly excused myself to go to the bathroom..'
    and then 'After Rick has checked it'
    You need to pick one and stick with it, otherwise it doesn't make as much sense.

    Also, 'I gasped, outraged, strongly wishing I could choke her' that should be a comma and not a full stop.
    Just little things like that you need to check. Always be reading over your grammar and making sure it all makes sense and fits.

    You could try and put more emotion and description into it, although this is just a little excerpt, so I don't know whether or not the rest has it and this scene doesn't need a lot of detail.
    Anyway, I hope I helped, and good luck with it.

11. 

    Carrots and bunnies
    

    September 27th, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Not a bad start, but don't let yourself get caught up in stopping and getting feedback. Write the story. Keep going until you reach The End. Then go back and expand it, redo it, tear it apart and put it back together.

    One specific note I'd make is to remember that your job is to put the reader inside your point-of-view character's head and heart–to make the reader feel what she feels and know what she thinks. Right now you're heavy on the list of events happening and the dialogue and there are no internals going on.

    But, as I said before, don't let yourself get bogged down in worrying about that right now. Finish the story. Then go back to page one and rewrite. Then do it again. Remember, editing is the greater part of writing, but you can't edit a blank page Good luck!

12. 

    Catherine
    

    September 29th, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    Wow thanks for the heads up on all this. Will check it all out. I'm after a SMEG fridge but having a family…it's not so practical, especially as there will be nowhere else to put a spare fridge or freezer. Maybe when the kiddos have left home? I have started to fall in love with Cathrine Holm enamelware but by eck you just can't get enough of it over here. I do have a small collection of teapots from the 60's/70's with funky patterning and some storage jars. Will need to head to a few more charity shops and car bootys! I'm so wanting a starburst something…either mirror or clock will do…it will find me I'm sure of it. As for art t'other arf made a massive piece out of paint sample cards years ago so I have to save space for that but I'm also on the lookout for the pins and string stuff that I remember as a kid.

    D'you know what I think I might just pull it off…cheers for the words of encouragement!

13. 

    Fiona
    

    October 9th, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    Alright lets see what I can help to suggest. First it seems like it is a really clever idea, something different if I've read correctly. But it is confusing, I had to re-read and wonder how many other people this girl is.
    My first suggestion would be to ditch the first person. Because it seems to me (and I could be mislead) that these girls all share one body, and when not being used they are shoved away inside the mind. See the problem with this is you aren't being consistent with the character, just narrating whoever is dominant presently. I would either pick one of these girls or just go omniscient on all them in third person. I think it would make it flow better.
    Second do not be afraid to be obvious blunt, if you want it across don't be mysterious. Tell the reader what you want them to know for the most part. Of coarse for a good story not everything is going to be revealed but don't be afraid to point some things out. (Most everything you take time to write in a story should have a purpose later.)

    At one point you write: "Because Mom and Dad warned you that you are not to go out in your natural appearance, that its dangerous." I would elaborate on that. A memory so reason why this is dangerous. Because I have no clue from reading that. Telling why it is dangerous might give the reader some clue as to what is going on.

    Again I'm trying to keep in mind this is only an excerpt, and for that I can't give you a truly clear idea at this. If I understood more about these girls, perhaps I could help more. I hope I helped (you did say you wanted harsh criticism).

14. 

    Reba
    

    October 14th, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    It's defiantly interesting and has some serious possibilities. I found it a tad slow, though. I didn't really see that much difference between the two girls other than at the outside level. The style you use to write them both is pretty much the same. Maybe you could try to give them each a distinctive flow in their POV.

    Answer mine?

    http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100516110643AAURTJl

15. 

    Michelle
    

    November 12th, 2010 at 10:47 am

    I like the concept of the story. It needs a little bit of work and sometimes you use present and past tense together in a sentence. You need to decide which one you want to use by it seems to me that you have some talent

16. 

    Reminiscent
    

    November 18th, 2010 at 8:30 am

    well, it's all right… I could swear i've read this exact thing before. it's teen superstar with magical powers, yeah?
    the style is incredibly amateur, i feel like i am reading something written by a fifteen year old.
    i don't get the sense that i'm there. You have almost literally no descriptions of the surrounding. It was a bathroom, it was a room. it was a car. All cars, bathrooms, and rooms look different.

    and if this was supposed to be an incredibly suspense-filled moment, i am quite disappointed. that and happy that i didn't have to read the boring parts. this was bad enough.

    but overall, it certainly has potential to be something fantastic and entertaining.
    i would suggest writing it as a screenplay instead of a book since you don't like to pay attention to details very much.
    i am a biased party reading something like this. You wrote it almost as though you're watching it happen in your head and not using an outline. I hated reading all the plays in school, even ones which are entertaining to see played out, such as Hamlet. I hated the crucible and i hated all the Shakespearian rambling.
    Change your format and become a screenplay writer not an author.

17. 

    dberenstein
    

    November 23rd, 2010 at 8:12 am

    Hi Oss:

    I agree that it was not the best explanation (some important details are skipped sometimes because we think everyone already gets them).

    So let us imagine a situation that would make it better. Assume that Alice and Bob are cycling on a tightrope, each of them carrying a balancing beam and that each of them is at the exact center of their balancing beam. Let us also assume that Alice and Bob are moving towards each other, each with the same speed and that you are overseeing the circus.

    The idea of this situation is that clearly Alice and Bob appear symmetrically. When they cross each other, let us assume that they are carrying objects that need to be transfered between the ends of the beams and that one of them has some hooks (let us say Alice), while the other has some rings that need to be put in the hooks.

    From your point of view, when they cross, Bob can clearly put the rings in the hooks and he does it for both at the same time so he does it and clearly everyone in the Circus applauds.

    Now, look at it from Alice's point of view. If the horizontal bar that Bob is carrying appears shorter than hers, he will miss and Alice's history would be inconsistent with yours. Also if it is larger. But if you already agree that the trick was a success, it must be the case that Bob's balance beam is the exact same length as Alice's as far as Alice is concerned.

    Now, do some hocuspokus and imagine that the beams are magically converted into the mirror clocks I described. I know in the picture it does not seem that the vertical clock are symmetrical, so that might be confusing you. But then move them so that they are centered and maybe the rest of the argument will make more sense.

    Put in other words: there is no Lorentz contraction in directions orthogonal to motion.

    Let me know if this helps.

18. 

    deedeekm
    

    January 19th, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Startime – mundane chores pinch cheeks I move through days forgotten hours clocks foreign language but mirror h

19. 

    Sitiwebpronti
    

    October 6th, 2011 at 4:38 am

    Laser Mirror Clock –

20. 

    iBlueRose13
    

    October 16th, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    It's great. I love it.